On a Journey Back to Her Wings: All You Need is Love (Blog Circle)

http://segredosdepandora.wordpress.com/tag/heart/

Warning: Somewhat personal, somewhat sappy blog post today.

This is part of the Fly Girl's Blog Circle every 3rd Thursday of the month.

This month our theme is Love.

Let me tell you as much as I now love love...this was super hard for me.

'Cause for me with love comes heartbreak...ouch.

I was never the cutesy girl drawing hearts and falling head over heels in love. I pretty much hated all things hearts. I'd wear black on Valentine's Day and if anyone said, "Happy Valentine's Day" to me, I would respond, "What's so fuckin' happy about it?"

I've always been independent. I've always loved being alone.
I absolutely love being single.
Plus I've had my share of heartbreak.

In 2002 I decided to start working on my heart chakra. I filled my apartment with rose quartz crystals and love goddess statues. I attended a heart chakra class and I was the only one there!
Talk about NEEDING some help.
That class was just for me.
From that class I was introduced to Louise Hay's fabulous book,
"You Can Heal Your Life".

Now I wasn't all opposed to love just to let you know.
I had my share of love...love for my family...
love for my friends...love for hobbies...
love for movies....for life...for myself.

I just didn't think anyone was worthy of romantic love from me. All relationships end somehow. Why put myself through all that shit? The more you love someone, the more it hurts when they are gone.

I was perfectly happy alone. I found I enjoyed having a "friend with benefits" rather than a boyfriend. So much easier.

I did continue working on my heart. I continued healing.
But I was never truly serious about anyone.

I made a list of all of the traits I would want my imaginary significant other to be like. Kind of like in "Practical Magic". If I make this person up, they probably don't exist, therefore I will never fall in love and never get hurt.

With my list and my heart healing I did feel I was ready if I ever found that imaginary person. They had to be absolutely wonderful for me to even consider a relationship.

I moved to Asheville on May 1, 2009 completely by myself.
After months of being here, I was so ready to find a new
"friend with benefits".

On December 1, 2009 I went out downtown with my friend to an AIDS benefit. We were checking out a band she had heard about. I was sitting there sipping my beer when I noticed a dude across the room. My first thought was, "I'd do him."

He then came over to us! I was like ohhh....could he read my mind? He was manning the door that night and chatted us up most of the evening. He was an utter delight to speak with.

At that time my Friday night ritual was to take myself out after work...I usually went to Jack of the Wood and finished off at The French Broad Chocolate Lounge. I invited Chris out with me. To my surprise he showed up at Jack of the Wood as I was sitting there eating my burger, drinking my beer, and pen in my journal. He was wearing a tie and the biggest grin.

Through the course of the evening, I was discovering I really dig this guy. He will be a perfect "friend with benefits".

So let's just say I tried that...he wasn't having it.
And I caved. I tried to stop it, but I couldn't.
We fell in love.

It happened so fast.

And I kept waiting for that "OH NO" moment.
The moment where I know this just won't work out.
The moment I plan my grand exit.
The moment where I know I don't want to be with him.

That moment still hasn't arrived. Over 3 years later he is still an incredible guy for me. He knows me better than I know myself.

Chris has opened me up to true love
and I am completely happy with it.
My heart chakra has never felt such utter joy.

I sometimes ask him, "Who sent you?"